Childlike

I think this is going too far.

I couldn't tell you why I'm so opinionated about defining things, but I fear that it's a major liability in our culture. The two-part problem is that we believe we are allowed to define things (including ourselves) and that we clearly do not have the capability to do it accurately.

It's become a cliche for almost any actor in Hollywood or famous entity to talk about defining themselves, wanting to be the sole master of entering their name and status into the cultural dictionary for people to read, but not to interpret. That's fine. I try to be sympathetic toward actors and their concepts - especially after working in production and watching them get treated like puppets.

Unfortunately, I feel like this idea has spread over into the mainstream the same way that "self-esteem" did and it is having a hard time fitting in with what actual reality is like. There is an exactitude to definitions. As flexible as the language is, there are limitations to every word as to what it is and isn't. That's, basically, the entire reason for definitions in the first place - to set boundaries and make communication easier.

So in way, we don't get to define much. I can't approach a tree and decide that it's not a tree. There's a force outside of me that is untouchable, that I can't tamper with. My calling a tree a ferret, does not make it a ferret. It makes me an idiot.

But don't we tend to try to define ourselves on a daily basis? Try to nail down exactly who we are as we project onto other people? I feel like I do from time to time, and I've seen others do it. I imagine it's because it's easier than changing. Twisting a word is easier than twisting yourself.

For example, a friend of mine told me that she enjoys kissing guys and girls but "would never define herself as bisexual". And there the two-part problem lies. My friend thinks she can define herself but doesn't have the capability to do so. My question for her was, "Then what would you call yourself?"

I've often decried the fear of being defined. It is one of my largest fears, the idea that I could be placed inside a box, inside a handy set of words that defines the totality of my being. It's pretty frightening. What if all that you are could be summed up in a sentence? A few words?

This is why I hate moving. It is the worst activity that humans have to undertake. First, there is the physical demand of lifting, carrying and depositing your heavy boxes and furniture into a truck and then repeating the process once you arrive at your new place. Second, you have to inventory your life. You are forced to mentally box yourself up, all that you have, into nice packages. I think we can see how small our lives are when we box everything up and place it in the center of our living room. Staring at your belongings crammed neatly into a rental truck makes you wonder if that's all there is to you, to life. And, damn, it's still so heavy. A burden.

So we avoid defining ourselves clearly. We want to keep it nebulous just in case someone comes close to pinning us down. Especially when it comes down to things that make us ashamed. I drink every night, but I would never define myself as an alcoholic. I'm spiritual, but I wouldn't define myself as religious. I've hurt others, but I would never define myself as a bad person. I kiss girls, but I wouldn't define myself as a lesbian.

Those labels are ready-made. They are outside of us. And, even if we are allowed to define ourselves, it wouldn't be through words, it would be through actions. And others aren't prohibited from weighing in, either.

I tend to think that things are never as complicated as we make them out to be. Relationships are one of those things - and it's become easier to be vague about them. There's strangers, acquaintances, friends, close friends, family, and dating relationships. And the lines aren't all that blurry. If we look up these terms in the dictionary, they don't have a question mark or the phrase 'to be determined' next to them. But we all like to blur the lines. At least I do. Are we dating? Sort of. We're friends, but we like each other. And we go out. But we're not really "dating". It's complicated.

All this talk about words is starting to make me think that they're the ones tripping us up. Instead of worrying so much about what the right definition is for ourselves, for our relationships, we should just focus on what we're doing. And own up to it. There's a certain amount of denial that defining yourself entails - it's a situation where we don't fully embrace who we are. We try to supplant who we are with words, with caveats, with exceptions to the rule. I guess my big question is this:

What's so wrong with embracing who you are?

I mean, I would define myself as someone who has embraced who he is, but it's complicated.