Taking Another Pass at It

I was once told to make a list of things that I would never accomplish. A sort of anti-to-do list. It was an exercise in honesty and limitation.

To the outside world, we are unstoppable. Especially us. Those of us who walked into our middle school guidance counselor's office to ringing endorsements or have had the benefit of rising just far enough above the average to be marveled at. It's interesting how our culture does that. Raises us up constantly. As an interest side note (whether or not I ever have side notes is up for debate) the concept of self-esteem didn't really enter into the public consciousness until the 1970's - meaning we've lived all but 40 years of our existence as humans without it. Now it seems impossible to throw away.

Before it existed, there was work ethic, the public eye. How good a person you were rested on how others in polite society viewed you. Oddly enough, it basically still does with the twist that we can always fall back on our own self esteem. And have you ever noticed how much "self esteem" is formed from the opinions of others? The bottom line is, we feel good ourselves because of outside forces. It's an incredible feat to feel strong about yourself without having any back-up. Without facts. Without "proof".

This leads me in two directions. I'll head in both of them if you don't mind.

For one, what's going to happen at the end of the day when we head home? What's going to happen when we get back from our jobs or our schools to a one-bedroom apartment and no one there to exist for? I've lived alone several times in my life, and after the first few months of awkwardness, it's one of the few truly liberating things on this earth. To be truly alone. So much of our lives is made up of acting. Scenes. Lines of dialog that we rehearse in our heads just moments before speaking them. But there can be no play without an audience. So who are we when we're alone? I would be surprised to find that we're much more uninhibited alone. I'm pretty sure we basically act the same way save for a little outlandish singing in the car/shower or dancing like nobody's watching.

My second direction may seem more direct, or at least more fruitful.

How hard is it to believe that we're loved for no reason other than we are?