Stamp of Approval

More than once in my life I've been called judgmental.

This stems, I believe, from me judging people.

For the most part, I consider myself a very good judge of people. Not necessarily of character, but of the types of people that I encounter. Using basic psychology and a little observation, it's pretty easy to boil most people down to core elements. And I say most people, because not everyone is so easy to read. It's that other group that gives me trouble though.

I once bragged to a very beautiful woman that I knew exactly what she was like within the first half hour that I met her. This is true for most people I meet. It doesn't take long to figure out people's personalities and motivations. People wear them on their sleeves. People project them in the smallest speech patterns and body languages. I was not entirely honest with this woman, though. I had a lot of her figured out pretty quick. But she was one of those people in life that surprised me. She had more to her than what she was projecting.

I find I'm drawn to people like that. People with a little more hidden behind their smile than most. Dynamic people.

This got me thinking about judgment. For the most part, it has a bad connotation. It's a condemnation to be judgmental. It's a bad thing. We usually think of someone being judgmental who doesn't have all the facts. People with a prejudice. Or we think of them as being high-and-mighty, excused from being judged themselves.

But everyone judges everyone else on a daily basis. It's part of our survival kit. See the guy in the trench coat with the beady eyes following you into the subway car? He could be up to no good. We judge him on based on his appearance. Some people love stories where a character like this threatens with his presence and then ends up helping someone in the end. The moral of the story is to be careful before judging someone.

But judging people is good. That guy with the trenchcoat probably is up to no good. And for the survival of the species, we learn to recognize these visual clues so we don't have to get to know a person before they mug us. We recognize danger so we can avoid it.

And another thing, what about someone who has all the facts and makes a judgment? I think of some judgmental people as blow-hards that proclaim certain truths about others as a means to avoid detection of their own faults, sure. But what about the people who have the back-up for their judgment call? Is it still wrong for them to voice an opinion?

I think it boils down to two things. One, we don't like being defined. We are frightened that it takes away our freedom or means we're boring or easy to figure out. Two, we don't like to be defined negatively. A judgment call usually infers that someone has placed values up against your behavior and you've lost out. They don't approve of something you're doing.

We tend to react harshly and quickly to those kinds of judgments. My question is simple. What if that person being judgmental, is right?